Things are falling into place, just very, very slowly. The website is still in progress, mostly because I keep tweaking it. I should just let it be, finish editing all the parts, and get on with my life. I have a major lead that I will be following up on soon, which should get me in touch with some local teachers in the area and hopefully find some students. I've registered for teacher training for book 4, which will happen in July. Last summer I traveled all over North America to complete training for three books - this summer I will be able to bike 8 miles to take book 4, which I am very excited about. A girl I met last year will also be attending this session, and she will be staying at our apartment for those few days. An old pianist friend called out of the blue last night, and asked me "How are things going with your teaching?" When I laughed and answered, "Not," he said, "oh you're just being chicken shit. You just gotta do it. Then you know it isn't worth it." He really isn't the teaching type, but he sure did give me a good shove in the right direction. I've got to stop dragging my ass.
The adjustable bench works beautifully, I practice more often now that my seating is at an appropriate height and my back doesn't ache like it used to. The footrest is also here, and the last purchase will be the metronome, which isn't even really a required purchase prior to teaching, because I do own an electric metronome, I just happen to prefer the old school Wittner pendulum wooden type. I’ll have to review my notes, practice my shpiel for the informational meeting that I offer to new students/parents, keep up with the actual playing… and before we know it I will be raking in the dough with my superior skills as a piano educator. Right.
I had a long AIM conversation with Toftie and she’s great at tooting my horn. It was on Monday, and a rainy Monday while I’m at work after I vegged out all weekend just isn’t a good time to be thinking about my accomplishments. It was interesting – My head kept repeating “Look at me. I’m 27 and have nothing to show for it.” And Toftie pretty much said “What are you, on crack?” So she laid out a few things for me and gave me some examples of data collection to reach the conclusion of “Yes, I am somewhat of an interesting, well-adjusted, likeable person.” It’s funny; I’ve always said that I didn’t care about what people thought of me, and that’s not entirely true. I do care about what people thought of me – people that are important to me. An example of this is my mom – she’s my mom, I care about her, so I do care about what she thinks of me. And just so happens she doesn’t have a very high opinion of me (or at least that is the message she is sending with her actions, regardless of what the fact is), so here I am, all messed up. So how do I learn to say “fuck it,” and really mean “I don’t care what people think of me. All of them”?
Spring is clearly here. It’s staying above freezing fairly consistently, things are green, or blooming, the sun comes from a different direction so everything looks fresh and new. Graduation is in a couple of weeks, and I have secured the tickets but will have to get the cap and gown later this week. I think that after graduation I will be out of this funk that I call “post-academia syndrome,” and start to make myself more useful.
Other news - I’ve mostly finished a trough that I was building as a makeshift planter, and my plants should be arriving this week. Aaron and I cleaned out the backyard of the place we are renting - the neighbors said that it has been left unkempt for at least six years. I’ve purchased a new swimsuit (and officially upped one pants size, and I’m calling the extra padding muscles, as a result of bike-commuting), and hopefully will make use of it some time this summer. I’ve been awfully pale these last few years, living in New England. Any whiter and I’d be turning Japanese. I’m also contemplating a haircut, because it would be something new. Spring is here!